Pastors, Fathers: Deal with your sin, before it leads to a Train Wreck. Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa, pull your heads out of your collective asses and do something.
This is very difficult to sort out and very emotional, but it is what it is.
Here’s what I’ve had to face, I’ve got a brother alleging another brother sexually molested him inside the Context of a physically abusive upbringing that has been lied about by Pastor Bob Grenier of Calvary Chapel Visalia, my mom and Robert (or, giving Robert the benefit of the doubt, he possibly was too young to remember, doubtful, but possible). Robert is 11 years younger than I am, 10 years younger than Geoff.
The facts: Bob physically abused me and my other brothers. He also was abusive to my mother. Geoff, Paul and I are on record with details of the abuse. A police report has been filed (but Criminal Statute of Limitations has run out). An aunt is on record (interviewed by the Detective) corroborating an incident of abuse she witnessed, my uncle is on the record as having been told about the abuse and abuses in real time, there is a coach of Geoff’s who witnessed bruises in the showers, there are neighbors on the record who heard violent screaming and crying from our home, there are former employees on the record who saw things and heard things that may have been abuse behind closed doors, there is a Calvary Chapel Pastor (who is buddies with Bob) who is on record with Geoff as having witnessed physical abuse on a mission’s trip, recounted what he saw with Geoff, but stays silent now (as he is a Board Member of Bob’s and is providing him cover).
Let’s be clear, the State of California is the Arbiter of what is and isn’t abuse. The State, not Bob Grenier, defines this for us. Leaving bruises on the lower back, backs of legs and buttocks and drawing blood…where open wounds scab up and cause your underwear to stick to your buttocks…is abuse. Striking a child in the face is abuse. Kicking a child is abuse. Locking a child in a small coat closet as a form of punishment is abuse. Hitting a child over his body with a tree branch and leaving multiple bruises is abuse. Punching a child in the face with a closed fist, knocking him to the ground is abuse, etc etc etc.
With regards to the Physical Child Abuse, there are three (3) brothers who have the same testimony regarding the many abuses. There are several outside witnesses to corroborate some form of abuse. It is not a single person, with no other corroboration, making the allegations of Physical Child Abuse. Even Bob Grenier has shared stories from the Pulpit, corroborated by many who were in attendance over the years, about picking a chair up over his head, putting a gash in the ceiling and then breaking the wooden chair on the ground into pieces in a rage. Bob used this to illustrate his “temper problem” and Bob’s “temper problem” was well-known over the years at Calvary Chapel Visalia. However, Bob had framed his “temper problem” as something “normal”, something acceptable and by implication something legal…he gave the impression he was not breaking any Laws of the Land. Paul the Apostle, in Romans, asserts that “all authority is given by God” and that we are to obey the governing authorities God has placed over us…as long as it doesn’t violate God’s Laws. Well, the Bible does not command one to beat their children, post-Old Testament Law…and the Law of our Land is clear about what constitutes Child Abuse.
In Bob’s World, it wasn’t “abuse”, it was “discipline”. In the State of California, it is called Child Abuse and a felony. That is the back-drop to an even more difficult issue.
My brother Paul is homosexual. I’ve known it for years. Within Christianity, there is an ongoing debate about whether someone is “born” homosexual…is there a homosexual gene? Or, is it a learned behavior, a “choice”. Many arguments, not a lot of solid Empirical evidence. The Consensus within the Fundamentalist Circles, of which Bob Grenier and Calvary Chapel is within that Circle, is that homosexuality is a “choice” and is a “learned behavior”…often as the result of being molested as a child by an older adult male. David Rosales of Calvary Chapel Chino Valley, who is one of Bob Grenier’s Board Members, is in this camp. He has written extensively about it and in 2008 submitted an Op Ed to the Orange County Register titled, “Debunking the Gay Agenda”. In the Op Ed, Rosales asserts that, essentially, there is no “gay” gene, homosexuality is a “choice” and often a learned behavior.
If Paul wasn’t “born” gay, as I have wrestled with the idea…and if I am wrong and David Rosales is right, then Paul “chooses” to be homosexual and it is probable that he “learned” the behavior at a young age.
Bob, in his published book, “A Common Miracle”, recounts of a homosexual experience he had with another boy his age while in Catholic Boarding School. Bob recounts, first-hand, in his book that another male basically crawled into bed with him and they engaged in some form of homosexual sexual act. Bob’s recounting of the event wasn’t so disturbing, it’s what followed that was. Bob’s response was that this was normal, no big deal and it happens all the time. Odd response, coming from a Fundamentalist Christian Pastor.
Here are Bob Grenier’s exact words about his homosexual experience…it is sandwiched between his accounting of a gun being put to his head years later by a fellow drug dealer. Bob paused to recount this “common” occurrence…and then transitioned back to what he calls an “uncommon miracle”. It’s a rather bizarre read:
“Oh yes, I almost forgot to tell you that there was another boy named David who used to sleep next to me in that dormitory;and one night I felt him pulling back the covers of my bed and getting into bed with me. I was not sure what was happening and not sure what to do. I just lay there frozen as David did what he did. No one ever knew about it… not the nuns, the priests, or my parents. Only David and I. Not an uncommon thing to have happen to boys and girls.” Bob Grenier, page 17, “A Common Miracle”.
That comment has never made sense to me, until recently. Approximately a year or so ago (in that range, I’d have to check my notes to be precise)…I received a phone call from my brother Robert (or Bobby as he and his friends call him now). First, I was surprised to get a phone call from him, as our relationship has been estranged due to my confronting the child abuse within our home years prior and as a result, lines were drawn, sides chosen and Robert decided I was the enemy (though the door was open on my end, hence I took his call).
Robert’s purpose for calling was to tell me, in detail, that Paul had molested him when they were teenagers. He gave specifics. I questioned him pretty extensively. It was very upsetting. My initial reaction was to take it at face value. I was furious. Robert told a similar version of events (but not the same version) to my brother Geoff.
As we began to compare notes, there were several variations in the story regarding ages, specifics of the alleged abuse and locations, etc. This caused me some concern. I soon after confronted Paul. I shared the multiple versions that Robert had reported. Paul was floored. He vehemently and specifically denied the accusations.
One of the critical accusations Robert is making is that he was “forced” to perform homosexual acts. Robert is and has always been physically larger and stronger than Paul…and Paul is only one year older than Robert. In talking with Geoff about the issue, and Geoff is one year younger than me and physically larger and stronger than I am, we discussed any possibility that either of us could have been “forced” by another peer who was essentially our same age and physically smaller and weaker…to engage in “forced” homosexual sex acts. One of Geoff’s questions to Robert was, “What, did Paul put a gun to your head?” I asked Robert similar questions, “Did you try to fight him off? Did you say no?” Etc. Robert’s response was that, in essence, Paul had done some sort of Jedi Mind Trick on him and through some sort of psychological maneuvers “convinced” and “coerced” Robert into incest without the use of physical force. This didn’t make sense to me, my wife or Geoff.
I understand the power an Adult authority figure like a Pastor, Priest or Parent has over a child to coerce them or influence them into sex, but a physically inferior peer?
Another question I had after my conversation with Robert was, why did these allegations not come out when Robert was on suicide watch at Cypress Mental Health in 2004? He had a serious mental health crisis and many other things in his past came to the surface during that crisis, but not these allegations. That seemed odd and unlikely to me that this serious issue would be left out during a low-point and crisis like that.
I am left with two possibilities when I’ve got two brothers as the only potential witnesses in this matter (I was out of the home when they were both teens):
1. Robert is telling the truth and he engaged in homosexual incest with his brother.
2. Robert is lying to provide cover for Bob Sr. and draw attention away from the many other issues we are confronting.
I know I can’t rely on Bob Grenier’s word, because he is bold-faced lying about so many other issues.
It comes down to Robert’s word vs. Paul’s word.
If Robert is telling the truth and the two were having homosexual sex in Pastor Bob’s home while a fully endorsed by Chuck Smith Calvary Chapel Pastor…then where did these two learn the homosexual behavior? If Pastor David Rosales of Calvary Chapel Chino Valley (and a Board Member who endorses Bob) is correct…and homosexuality is a “choice”…then where did these two learn the behavior? Bob Grenier, in his book, says he had homosexual experiences with a peer growing up and that it was “normal” and no big deal. “Happens all the time”…he said. Such a non-chalant handling of his personal experience.
Paul alleges that he was sexually molested by Bob Grenier, his blood father, pre-dating Robert’s allegations. I was not aware of Paul’s allegations until we met with a very high profile Child Abuse attorney who has handled the largest Child Abuse cases in our Nation’s history. I was so angry, I had to get up and leave the Conference Room, take the elevator, walk the pier front and cool off. I didn’t stick around for the details that Paul was recounting, but I heard enough. I later found out from my wife that Paul had told her that Bob was responsible for Paul being homosexual many years prior. They both kept it from me for years, fearing I would not handle it well. They made a good decision.
Assuming Robert’s version of events is true, I blame Bob Grenier and his terribly sinful and illegal leadership for that kind of sin to go on in the home of a fully endorsed full affiliated Calvary Chapel Pastor who is in a Position of Trust over adults and children. How can Bob be qualified?
Bob’s defenders will say, “Oh, well it’s in the past, it isn’t happening this very moment is it?” As if that re-qualifies Bob. Wrong.
After hashing all this out for many months, my position is that Robert is lying to cover for Bob Sr. He is creating a distraction, probably at the suggestion of Bob, to provide him with some sort of cover. Robert’s story just doesn’t add up to me and without the vast amount of corroboration I have for the Physical Child Abuse and the mountain of Character Witnesses (former staff, associate pastors and long-time laypersons from CCV) who have given me testimony regarding many spiritual abuses, many corruption issues…it is difficult to believe Robert’s claims.
However, if the situation did occur, as Robert has stated and publicly posted on a blog forum (or a surrogate of his)…then I am left with the conclusion that he engaged in incest, which is disturbing.
It shows how terrible things are at Bob Grenier’s household. Certainly not what Paul the Apostle had in mind when the Holy Spirit inspired him to write the Qualifications of a Pastor/Bishop.
My challenge, once again, is to Chuck Smith, Brian Brodersen and the 1,200 Calvary Chapel Pastor Affiliates throughout the U.S. and World: Are you going to continue to endorse and be voluntarily affiliated with Bob Grenier? If your answer is “yes”…then you deny that there is a Scriptural Standard for Qualification and you stand in opposition to the Word of God.